Normal does not exist!
Reality does not exist!
Oh, the struggle those 2 basic statements induce in us. As if we accept them, the whole world we know comes crumbling down around us. Everything we have based our life around, all the props, the arguments, the struggles, to protect the status-quo, vanish and we are left totally lost.
And if you feel that you are on track in your life; that your soul is at peace; that you are living your element, your essence; that you are on-track doing the things you love and in harmony with yourself, then in fact why change anything.
However, if you feel dissatisfied with where you are in your life (often even if you have achieved enormous financial wealth); that you are not in tune with your dreams for yourself; that you know you have more to contribute; that maybe you feel a fake and are scared at the concept of being found-out, maybe suffering depression, then this status-quo could not possibly be working for you; right?
On the other hand, if you find yourself cringing, having serious revulsive reactions to these concepts, then you are not yet ready to be your best, to be a leader!
So here is the conflict. The reality we hold so precious, the normal we feel we need to fit in, are the shackles from our past. Strangely, even though we defend them so rigidly, they are not even ours; they are control mechanisms by our care-givers, governments, communities, cultures and religions to keep our so called civilization in-check and on-track; although, the results of the last century or so, seem to prove the opposite! It has been drilled into us for so long; so subtlety, so emphatically, that now our brain thinks it is who we are, who we should be, how we should live to be an upstanding citizen. Unfortunately, it gets worse as this process is totally subconscious, we just feel these compulsions to conform even as our inner being tells us otherwise. And we have even given a name for these feelings by our society for this; rebel (again a negative connotation to ensure conformity)! The truth is so far removed from this perceived reality of normality.
We are all born different, with so much natural talent and a minute, an hour, a day, a month and a year at a time, we are somehow convinced we are wrong. Most studies show that by our 4th birthday, we are formed; the “damage” has been done! Normality now looks like a set of rules that we try to fit in with such difficulty and reality, well… it’s realty!
Well no, there is no reality except for subjective reality. So at best there are 7 billion realities in the world (the population of this earth). By the way, this is not some spiritual concept or personal opinion. This has been scientifically proven at a quanta level. Quantum physics has proven that reality is totally subjective. It goes as far as speculating that nothing exists until it is observed.
At this stage, both if you feel challenged or incredulous about my writing on the subject, it would serve you to read-up about quantum physics. I personally have enjoyed reading “God is not dead” by Amit Goswami, a quantum physicist.
In any case, just play with me for a while. Let go of your perplexities and judgements about the subject. Just for a moment, humour me. Pretend that it is true that normality and reality are in fact at best illusionary. Then it would follow that we can create our own reality and normality. Better still we can live our instinctive normality and reality. We can relax and let go, with a big sigh of relief.
True Leaders (and I am not necessarily talking about managers or heads of states and organisations) know that Leadership is about feeling comfortable in our skin; feeling good about our thoughts and perceptions; not second-guessing ourselves; leading by example that comes from our inner knowing. They know that we are all born individual and that that individuality is the value we bring to this world and our fellow human beings. No, they do not necessarily know it consciously but certainly instinctively.
Unfortunately, from a young age, we have been convinced of the opposite. We have been trained to shun our creativity in favour of a career that makes us money. We struggle with the notion of self-exploration without fear of lack of money; “why waste time when you can study to be employable”, says a trusted friend. Yet another lie, so many friends of mine, highly qualified are unemployed or doing menial tasks they hate for money, after all, “the key is to be gainfully employed”. So effective is the soul destroying training from a young age, that most don’t even remember what their natural passions are and even when they do, how could they “waste their time” on such dalliances when they in fact they should be looking for a paying job.
You get the drift; money is the ultimate God we’ve been brainwashed to worship. And, don’t get me wrong, in our civilisation, money is important. But I ask you, more important than your sanity? Than your peace and happiness? I think not.
A coaching Client of mine recently asked my to coach them in Leadership. They were surprised when I informed them it is simple but not easy and that there was no syllabus or manuals (another piece of brainwashing we have come to believe, best to follow step by step training). I simply said, “I will take you on a journey to your heart although, I have to tell you up front, you will seriously resist it as it goes totally against everything you have been trained or observed about management. Management is not Leadership although the two could work in harmony.”
And the biggest struggle for my coaching Clients is just that, following their instincts, their passions, their truths. As senior managers, they observe other managers who operate from a different place, outwardly seeming very successful and happy; but many of my Clients, do object to their methods. I inform them that these are career managers, not Leaders. What drives them is Ego and Money, not self-respect, respect for others, or even their truths. They put on a musk at work, another at home and yet another with friends and who knows how many more. They compartmentalise their lives. So they are in conflict with each of these masks and one wonders why so many of them are on depression medication.
But you still find yourself disagreeing, that nagging feeling (voices in our heads) telling us to stay with the known. OK then, mention one known example of an enormously regarded person, that got there through the recommended train track processes of study, get a diploma, get job, pay mortgage, etc. Well, I cannot think of any (although I am sure there are some). However, many examples of those that made it with their conviction that their inner voice was right, that they could muster all that they are to bring about change in the world as well as financial reward. People like, Oprah Winfrey, Saint Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, et-al.
But these are mere shining examples of what can be achieved when we stay true to who we were born to be. These are examples of known Leaders, true Leaders. However, Leadership is a state of being where we are in balance and in harmony with our being, this is true success, the only one really. The rest is pretence at a high cost to our physical and mental well-being.
So, if you are one of the majority that struggle with the modern concept of success; where even once financial success is achieved, happiness remains elusive, probably you have ignored yourself, your true calling, your Essential Leadership that emanates from your essence. No, this does not mean that you have to give-up everything and go for a sea or tree-change, although this could work for some. You could in fact remain exactly where you are, doing exactly what you do, but doing it differently. Doing it in a way that feeds the soul, the inner calling. In our observation, the result is peace and further and bigger success; success that matters… to you.
So, repeat after me… Normal does not exist! Reality does not exist!
Last modified: April 12, 2018