A compromise is when 2 or more individuals almost agree, are almost happy and almost accept a less than ideal outcome for a situation. So at best, these individuals have accepted not to be totally happy, at peace, content, etc…
We have been trained to believe this is OK, and it has to be, for a society that is co-dependent. Co-dependency is not the same as respect and support. In fact it is the opposite. A compromise is about me not being true to my beliefs, visions, opinions and values, for the misguided purpose of making you happy; and this is also true for the other, who I reached a comprise with. It is synonymous to saying that my views are not totally valid unless you agree with them and vice-versa. Absolutely unacceptable!
This is both untrue and unhealthy and points to inappropriate engagement models.
My truth remains true to me independent of what you might think and at the very least, you should respect that I have every right to hold my views as it is for you. The true strength of a healthy relationship is where I honour your truths, views and ideals and you, mine. This is true relating independent of whether it is a parent/child relationship, husband/wife and any other healthy relationship.
We are all after truth and in care-taking, we abandon truth and choose what amounts to deceit.
An old adage goes, “I’d rather be hurt by the truth than a lie”, and yet the latter seems more acceptable which is what compromise is all about. Our truths than become trapped behind the “but I do not want to upset him/her” behavior, that then turns into resentment and eventually probably rage and who knows what else.
So let’s never choose a compromise, rather respect for each others opinions which is fertile ground for truth, intimacy and growth.
Last modified: March 27, 2018